And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
