i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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