Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
