You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
