I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
