I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
