i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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