dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
