i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
