i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Oh god it's open bar.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
