Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
