Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
