only if we run a train.
done.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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