In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
