I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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