you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
