Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
