Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
