i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
