I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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