i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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