I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
