when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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