Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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