Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
