I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
