I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
