I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize