Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
