oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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