He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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