i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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