only if we run a train.
done.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize