STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
