I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
