I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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