That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
