you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
When are your genitals available?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
