somebody snuck up and got me drunk
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
