I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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