Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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