I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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