Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
