he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you had me at cake vodka
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
