Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize