I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
