I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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