I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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