theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
