the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
