Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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