i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
