haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
