Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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