You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
