found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
