every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
