My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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