I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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