Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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