absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
