Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
