after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
