I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
