So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
