This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Randomize
