It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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