there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
