i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just pee around me
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
