I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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