wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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