Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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