someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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