Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize