Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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