Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
