Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
