Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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