I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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