just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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