that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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