Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
