So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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