she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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