i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
