There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
