I just made out with a guy for $7.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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