Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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