Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
