Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize