He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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